Now, don’t you throw them grounds out …
Thar ain’t no call fer that…
Toss a handful in termorra,
It’ll ‘make-up’ in nothin’ flat!
An’ Arbuckles coffee, when it biles,
It’s like a rattler bite…
An’ jist th’ thing fer wakin’ ya up,
An’ gittin’ ya started right!
What’s thet cha say, ya derned galoot,
Ya want ‘another’ spoon?!
I’d say yer chance of that’s th’ same
As spittin’ on th’ moon!

Ain’t never heerd a’ sich a thang;
Hold thet plate up t’ yer face!
Scrape them beans into yer trap…
This ain’t no sissy place.
Yer lucky ya gotcha a knife t’ use…
Why, I’ve shore seed th’ time
I had t’ do ‘er with my biskit…
Why, we was ettin’ bacon rinds!
What?! Who is this Miss Etty Kett
Ta tell me how to do it?
Sure, I’ll set an’ read her book….
If I kin git around to it.

Ya call yerself a cowhand?!
Why, ya shoulda stood t’ home
Whar yer mama could pertect ya…
An ya wouldn’t hafta roam.
It must be hard on yer little butt,
Jouncin’ th’ rough string all day…
An’ sniffin’ up th’ drag dust
Thet keeps blowin’ back yer way.
I bin seein’ it reddenin’ up yer eyes,
I seed ya pickin’ cactus stickers….
I seed ya tossin’ t’wards th’ brush
Th’ best of my pot likkers.

Did ya say ya play th’ pi-anny?
Ya say folks jist adore it?
Ya say ya know a lot of tunes?
An’ ya got th’ fingers for it?
Pi-anny playin’s a right fine job….
Might be ya need a new career!
Maybe this ain’t th’ job fer yew
It’s a orn’ry ol’ life out here….
I know these little cowboy customs
Jist plague ya an’ torment ya’…
Take this here note t’ th’ whorehouse in town….
…An’ tell ‘em Cookie sent ya!

Byrd Woodward was born on a cow ranch in Idaho along the Payette River in 1937. She’s been away from that life for many years though she and her husband Woody always managed to keep a rural lifestyle and usually had chickens, horses and dogs for the kids. She’s written poetry since she could write and her mother tells her that she was singing rhymes to the barn kittens before that. She writes about the things she remembers and the things that shaped her life, the people and events that made her the person she is today. She and her husband retired to Arizona from Washington State and she works part time at the Sharlot Hall Historical Museum in Prescott where the Arizona State Cowboy Poets Gathering is held. She has been invited to the Cowboy Poetry Rodeo in Kanab Utah in August, 2002. Her poetry is also available on cowboypoetry.com.

I have to think that eastern folks,
They just don’t know the West,
Else how could they have stole the brand
That says Wyoming best.

I’m talking ‘bout the stamp design
They gave to old Montan,
The state where Texas cowboys went
To throw the houlihan

The logo of Wyoming U—
Wyoming’s license plate,
Both feature bronc and rider as
The symbol of the state.

And when Wyoming’s guard was called,
They carried it to war.
It is Wyoming’s trademark,
Their heritage and more.

Who was the one responsible
For giving it away?
I wouldn’t be at all surprised
If they don’t want to say.

Jane Morton has written two books, “A Beef, a Branding, and a Bull” and “Poems of the Ranch.” You can order them for $5.00 each from: Jane Morton 12710 Abert Way, Colorado Springs, CO 80908. Jane’s poems can also be found at cowboypoetry.com.